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Beloved in Our Lives:
Necessary Healing
Between African Men and Women
An excerpt from the book:
The Warrior Method
A Program for Rearing Healthy Black Boys
The inability of black men and black women to sustain relationships unmediated by race has been nearly impossible since they were first captured in Africa. It remains so today, yet this is an ignored topic that if discussed would create greater cohesiveness in our relationships.
Morrison’s ghostly child-woman Beloved, in her book by the same name, represents how the relationships between black men and women are haunted by the unresolved racism that has damaged them. Sethe’s poignant words about her rapists, “They took my milk.” are still relevant in what is happening to black women today and should be discussed with the men in their lives. Likewise, Halle’s insanity triggered by watching the rape of his wife and not being able to stop it is important for black men in the Winter of their lives to share with their women.
It is delusional to suppose that Beloved’s ghost no longer haunts the lives of black people in America and indeed the world. She was the fruit of the horrors which we sustain as we try to establish families for our children and us. The chokeberry tree on Sethe’s back kissed by Paul D, is a reminder of how black men and women should seek to heal the wounds inflicted on us by a determined culture seeking to sever bonds between us.
Black men in search of the woman who would be “the one” in their lives should take heed of Sixo, Paul D’s friend at Sweet Home who walked 28 miles once a week to be with his “Thirty Mile Woman” for one hour. His description of what he wants in a woman is one of the most sublime in black literature:
“Paul D. sits down in the rocking chair, and examines the quilt patched in carnival colors. His hands are limp between his knees. There are too many things to feel about this woman. His head hurts. Suddenly he remembers Sixo trying to describe what he felt about the Thirty-Mile Woman.
‘She is a friend of my mind. She gathers me, man. The pieces I am, she gathers them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.’”
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